“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” - Rumi

Some advice to my sisters and brothers, ask not how, nor why, these things just pop into my head at the most random times, usually late at night.
I am no expert but after 11 years of marriage, talking with friends, hearing stories, certain things stick in my mind. Here I would like to share them, take and leave what you want, maybe pass it onto your loved ones:)

MAKE AND EFFORT: Yep simple and to the point. Yes in the first few years you will find you both make the effort to spend time with each other, dress up and take care of your appearance. Write little notes and buy presents for each other, they call this the 'honeymoon' years. How sad is that? This should be a constant. It doesn't matter if your married 2 years or 12 years, making an effort should be foremost in your marriage. We make an effort to dress up for a function, we buy our friends pressies in appreciation why wouldn't we do it for the person we love and hope to spend the rest of our lives with?

THERE'S NO NEED TO SHOW/TELL YOUR SPOUSE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING:  I dunno, maybe a lot of you will disagree but I don't feel the need to expose every little detail to my husband. Why does he need to see your hairy legs or your stretch marks? Or why do you need to see his hairy nose hairs? Ive had ladies tell me they pop the pimples on their husbands back, SERIOUSLY? That grosses me out. Why not keep a little allusion of perfection with each other? Seeing each others faults cant be a good thing.  Same with secrets, I think there are certain things they don't need to know.

RESPECT: This is a big one. If you don't respect each other, it really does break down the love. If they have a bad or annoying habit, or they do something you dislike that makes you look at them with disrespect, it may not be obvious in the beginning but I think it will slowly diminish the love.

LEAD YOUR OWN SEPARATE LIVES: Have your own set of friends, go out have a good time, you don't need to do absolutely everything together. Whenever I do out, I come home a happier person. Seriously we can annoy each other at times and you both need an out, friend's you can gas bag with, whinge to, de-stress with and then come home a happy chappy.

APPRECIATION: If you don't show any form of appreciation, things will go wayward. Not only tell your spouse you love them, also tell them what they are doing right. "Thanks for looking after the kids", "I really appreciate all that you do for our family", "thanks for dinner" etc. Often we can feel a bit down, used and unappreciated. Just a few kind words make the world of difference, if your not good at vocalising, write a letter or email, send some flowers whatever you think will tell them THANK YOU

LISTEN: If your spouse is explaining something to you, LISTEN. Even if you don't find it the most interesting topic, at least pretend to be interested. And respond, don't nod, don't raise your brows, don't say ahah. USE WORDS. If your not a big talker , and your other is making the effort to have a discussion with you, the least you can do is respond.

KEEP THE SPARK: I think after many years of marriage, you can lose that spark of excitement that's there when you first meet. Yes we fall into a different level of love, a deeper sense of belonging and comfort with one another. Again we can create a little of that excitement with each other. I think a date night once a month or more can really help with this. Alone time outside the house makes a world of difference. A small rub on the back, a stolen kiss on the cheek sitting outside in the sun, or at the movies helps with that sweet sense of excitement, love and bonding. When I see my hubby outside his usual tracky dacky clad self, dressed up it feels different seeing him outside the home, like hes a new man, like  when I saw him in the start of our relationship.

Again these are just MY views on marriage and how we can try to keep it alive and thriving. No one wants to fall into a monotonous marriage that ends up in paying bills, looking after kids and whats for dinner! Who wants that? Not I. Might as well stay home and never marry! Like I said once to a friend, Id rather not take a bite, than taste its sweetness only for it to rot on me.
Cheers big ears!


  1. Im thinking the same as you especially to keep our little secrets. I sure don't want to show my hairy legs to my (future) hubby thehe ^^ Getting dressed, showing love and have little intentions should not be an effort to do, sometimes you don't need to do much to show you care :) So, thank you Ebs for this lovely post, now I'm going out looking for an husband loool


  2. Haha your too cute Marsy! But I thought you almost already have one? ;)

  3. Ebs this is one awesome post. LovE it Hun.
    I totally agree about every point. Subhanallah our Deen is full of love and and mercy yet I see it lacking in many families. What's wrong in showing affection. Marriage is like a sheik said a project. Keep working at it and prefect it.
    I totally agree with the Point u made about keeping the spark. I believe we need to do so if we are to keep our spouses interested in the marriage and it's our duty so they don't look for it outside the home.
    Once again lots to learn and gain from the likes of ur self so keep the advice coming beautiful.
    Just like Mademoieselle M I'm going out on my search. Hehehhe
    Thanks Hun
    Luv u loads xoxoxox

  4. Thanks Samira, topic close to my heart:) I totally agree with you, I grew up in a household where no affection was shown. Ohhh dont worry a few of us have our eyes peeled for you my lovely!!!:)))

  5. So much to talk about here but yes definitely each and every married person has to look within themselves and ask what do I want out of my marriage? Keeping up a marriage is hard work but with ones good intentions ie faith, trust and respect it is a relationship which can grow and become bountiful and fulfilling. So much of society is hung up about one part of marriage only, I think you can guess what this is. Its not everything a relationship which is sustained and full of deen and ikhlaq and respectful kids is far more rewarding. Alhamdulilah 19 years and counting :)Ps Im with you about needing our own space to I love to veg out on my own and love for my husband to do the same, this is vital!

  6. I think me and my husband are guilty of the knowing a little too much about each other thing. lol You brought up great points about listening to each other and having separate interests, very thoughtful post!

  7. AssalamOalaikum, I am new to your blog and I enjoyed reading this post. It is really very informative. And I agree with all points you said. This video is worth watching. Insha'Allaah

  8. maşallah yerim ben bu tontişleri :) rabbim saglıklı omur versin

  9. Brilliant post and yes yes yes to all what you said~!