marriage....

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” - Rumi

Some advice to my sisters and brothers, ask not how, nor why, these things just pop into my head at the most random times, usually late at night.
I am no expert but after 11 years of marriage, talking with friends, hearing stories, certain things stick in my mind. Here I would like to share them, take and leave what you want, maybe pass it onto your loved ones:)


MAKE AND EFFORT: Yep simple and to the point. Yes in the first few years you will find you both make the effort to spend time with each other, dress up and take care of your appearance. Write little notes and buy presents for each other, they call this the 'honeymoon' years. How sad is that? This should be a constant. It doesn't matter if your married 2 years or 12 years, making an effort should be foremost in your marriage. We make an effort to dress up for a function, we buy our friends pressies in appreciation why wouldn't we do it for the person we love and hope to spend the rest of our lives with?

THERE'S NO NEED TO SHOW/TELL YOUR SPOUSE ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING:  I dunno, maybe a lot of you will disagree but I don't feel the need to expose every little detail to my husband. Why does he need to see your hairy legs or your stretch marks? Or why do you need to see his hairy nose hairs? Ive had ladies tell me they pop the pimples on their husbands back, SERIOUSLY? That grosses me out. Why not keep a little allusion of perfection with each other? Seeing each others faults cant be a good thing.  Same with secrets, I think there are certain things they don't need to know.

RESPECT: This is a big one. If you don't respect each other, it really does break down the love. If they have a bad or annoying habit, or they do something you dislike that makes you look at them with disrespect, it may not be obvious in the beginning but I think it will slowly diminish the love.

LEAD YOUR OWN SEPARATE LIVES: Have your own set of friends, go out have a good time, you don't need to do absolutely everything together. Whenever I do out, I come home a happier person. Seriously we can annoy each other at times and you both need an out, friend's you can gas bag with, whinge to, de-stress with and then come home a happy chappy.

APPRECIATION: If you don't show any form of appreciation, things will go wayward. Not only tell your spouse you love them, also tell them what they are doing right. "Thanks for looking after the kids", "I really appreciate all that you do for our family", "thanks for dinner" etc. Often we can feel a bit down, used and unappreciated. Just a few kind words make the world of difference, if your not good at vocalising, write a letter or email, send some flowers whatever you think will tell them THANK YOU

LISTEN: If your spouse is explaining something to you, LISTEN. Even if you don't find it the most interesting topic, at least pretend to be interested. And respond, don't nod, don't raise your brows, don't say ahah. USE WORDS. If your not a big talker , and your other is making the effort to have a discussion with you, the least you can do is respond.

KEEP THE SPARK: I think after many years of marriage, you can lose that spark of excitement that's there when you first meet. Yes we fall into a different level of love, a deeper sense of belonging and comfort with one another. Again we can create a little of that excitement with each other. I think a date night once a month or more can really help with this. Alone time outside the house makes a world of difference. A small rub on the back, a stolen kiss on the cheek sitting outside in the sun, or at the movies helps with that sweet sense of excitement, love and bonding. When I see my hubby outside his usual tracky dacky clad self, dressed up it feels different seeing him outside the home, like hes a new man, like  when I saw him in the start of our relationship.

Again these are just MY views on marriage and how we can try to keep it alive and thriving. No one wants to fall into a monotonous marriage that ends up in paying bills, looking after kids and whats for dinner! Who wants that? Not I. Might as well stay home and never marry! Like I said once to a friend, Id rather not take a bite, than taste its sweetness only for it to rot on me.
Cheers big ears!